Bringing up a prenuptial agreement can feel uncomfortable for many couples. After all, marriage is often seen as a celebration of love and commitment, while a prenup can sound like planning for failure. The truth is that a prenuptial agreement is not about doubting your relationship—it is about protecting both partners and setting clear expectations for the future.
The key is knowing how to approach the conversation in a way that is honest, respectful, and focused on building trust. Here, our Des Moines family law attorney at Feitelson Law Firm explains how to have this vital discussion without damaging your relationship.
Understanding the Purpose of a Prenuptial Agreement
Before you start the conversation, it is essential to understand what a prenuptial agreement really is. A prenuptial agreement is a contract that outlines how property, debt, and finances will be managed if the marriage ends in divorce or upon the death of a spouse.
While that may sound daunting, the purpose is to:
- Protect assets you acquired before marriage.
- Clarify responsibilities for managing debts.
- Safeguard family businesses or inheritances.
- Provide security for children from prior relationships.
- Reduce conflict and uncertainty in the event of divorce.
By viewing the prenup as a tool for clarity rather than conflict, couples can see it as an investment in their long-term stability rather than a threat to their relationship.
Choosing the Right Time to Talk
Timing matters when discussing sensitive issues. Raising the subject too close to the wedding may create unnecessary stress or resentment. Instead, consider having the discussion well in advance, ideally during your engagement but before you begin planning the wedding details.
Choosing the right setting is equally important. A private, calm environment allows both partners to express their feelings openly without outside pressure. The goal is to create space for a thoughtful conversation rather than a rushed or defensive exchange.
Focusing on Shared Goals
One of the best ways to approach a prenup conversation is by framing it around shared goals and values. Rather than presenting the agreement as a demand, you can position it as part of planning for a secure future together.
For example, you might say:
- “I want us to be on the same page about finances so we can avoid stress later.”
- “This is about protecting both of us, not just one person.”
- “I think a prenup could give us peace of mind and clarity.”
By focusing on fairness and mutual benefit, you reduce the risk of your partner feeling singled out or mistrusted.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Even with the best intentions, conversations about money and future planning can become emotional. Having an experienced family law attorney guide the process can help ensure that both partners’ voices are heard and that the agreement is legally sound. Our attorney can explain how Iowa law treats property, debt, and support, and can help draft a contract that reflects your specific needs.
Working with a professional also removes some of the pressure from your relationship. Instead of arguing over details, you can rely on the attorney to structure the agreement fairly and transparently.
Moving Forward Together
Discussing a prenuptial agreement does not have to harm your relationship—it can actually strengthen it. By approaching the conversation with empathy, patience, and a focus on fairness, couples can build a stronger foundation of trust and communication.
With the guidance of our skilled family law attorney, a prenup can be a practical step that protects both partners and helps you move forward with confidence into your marriage.
Contact us today to schedule a confidential consultation to learn more.
